In the month of May, a friend Wayne organised a May Poetry Writing Month, which is exactly what it sounds like. A bunch of people in a Facebook group write a poem a day for the month of May, and should they succeed, each person will have managed to write 31 poems by the end of the month.

I wrote a grand total of five poems.

#day1 clothe

“i understand”,
i tell myself
because that is the only thing
i can afford to say
to make sense of all my frustrations

i stare at screens
at photos and names
at people i consider important
but do they feel the same?

i observe and analyse
what is it that people do
that make others want to like them?
what are the words they use?
the things they talk about?

in a desperate need to feel accepted
there is nothing else
but to erase all sense of autonomy
to clothe myself with
the compilations of images that i see
and go along with it

#day2 afresh

i started listening
to english songs again
songs i never realised
i was subconsciously avoiding

but there they are
old wounds afresh
they brought me back
to better days of the past

they reminded me of exams, alarm ringtones
friends, car rides and highways at night
but unfortunately
they also reminded me of you

#day3 blow

she said
“why do you always start your sentences with i?”
“how can you choose to crave co-dependency yet shut everyone out?”
“are you truly content with being alone forever?”

it took me some time before
i realise they were all in my voice
in my head

because all along there’s only been me for me
because people always harp on a meaningful existence based on relationships
but i always see the crumbling failure before i immerse myself in too deep

we think alone, we die alone
the sooner i accept this
the easier the blow will be

#day4 waffles - [published]

4 in the afternoon
is really something
half awake
half wanting to never exist
waiting for it to rain
because there’s something
obscurely pleasant about
being surrounded by loud background nature sounds
and remembering, unwillingly,
remembering that time we ran to the car in the rain
and had waffles at night while you were driving in the rain

4 in the afternoon
is really something
wanting to never exist

#day5 jolly

we had a rainbow-themed party
for the twins esther and emily
with colourful balloons
like those in cartoons
everyone that turned up was pretty jolly

it was very peaceful the other night
though there were no stars that shone bright
and then i found out
beyond any doubt
that my granddad had gotten into a fight

you could say what is most ironic
is a sense of affection that feels almost demonic
the kind that paralyses you
and makes you feel blue
“i’m sorry, my love for you is only platonic”

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